When two people get married, they do so with the assumption that the marriage will last. Still, on average, 40-50 percent of marriages in the United States will end in divorce. It is important to remember that while a divorce is often a stressful and emotionally difficult process, it is possible to have a healthy separation where both parties leave the relationship without animosity.
Be Kind To Yourself
The end of a marriage typically involves a flood of emotions including anger, grief, anxiety, and fear. Sometimes, these feelings can rise up when you least expect them, catching you off guard. Such a response is normal, and over time the intensity of these feelings will subside. In the meantime, be kind to yourself.
Self-kindness refers to acting in kind and understanding ways towards ourselves, some examples include:
Forgiving Yourself. We all make mistakes, but it is important not to dwell and instead resolve to do better in the future, release the blame, and forgive yourself.
Taking Good Care of Yourself. Divorce is a stressful process. You are the priority, and caring for yourself by getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and exercising regularly will help you feel better and manage the process more effectively.
Respecting Yourself. Self-respect is valuing yourself for who you are, and not allowing others to dictate your value. It involves trusting yourself, thinking for yourself, forming your own opinions, and making your own decisions.
Lifting Yourself Up. When you fail, make a mistake, or do something wrong, you have two choices. You can tear yourself down, or you can lift yourself up. People who are kind to themselves choose the latter. Tell yourself it’s going to be OK. Give yourself a morale boost by reminding yourself of your past successes. Then, come up with a plan for dealing with what happened and take action.
Accepting Yourself. Accept yourself as you are. We each have strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes you succeed and sometimes you fail. Sometimes you’re right and sometimes you’re wrong. Allow yourself to embrace who you are.
Focus On Cooperation And Communication
Sitting down and speaking with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse may be the last thing you want to do, but cooperation and communication make divorce healthier for everyone involved. Try not to think of the breakup as a battle, but more as a transition that requires both parties to work together.Build a support team that will help best guide you and your ex-spouse through this current
phase in your life. Working with a Collaborative law attorney, therapist, and other professionals may help you reach coordinated decisions with minimum conflict.
When Kids Are Involved
Divorce can be hard for children, it comes with big and unexpected changes. Despite this, research suggests that most children adjust well even when their parents have divorced.
During a divorce, parents can do a lot to ease their child’s transition:
Do your best to keep any conflict away from the kids and spare your children the details. Keep divorce papers out of sight, especially from a child who can read, and don’t discuss legal issues, even on the phone, when there is any risk that your children might overhear you.
It is often helpful for divorcing parents to come up with a plan and present it to their children together. This will allow the children to speak openly with both parents about the change. Be ready for questions like, “Where will I go to school?” “Which parent will be moving out?” or “Who will look after me and how often will I see you both?”. Kids just want to know how their life will be affected, so be supportive, compassionate, and prepared with concrete answers.
Keep the lines of communication open. Kids benefit from having honest conversations about the changes their family is experiencing.
Children prefer a message that avoids parents blaming each other. Instead, make sure you both take ownership of the marriage ending and of course, let your child know it is not their fault.
Don’t hesitate to seek outside help. There are wonderful child therapists who can work with your child alone, or the entire family unit, as you move through this transition.
Support Is Available
The changes brought on by separation and divorce can be overwhelming. But now more than ever, it is important to take care of yourself. Tap into your support network, turning to family and friends for assistance and comfort. Formal support groups can also help you cope with the many emotions of a marriage ending.To stay positive as you start a new chapter, try getting involved in activities you used to love but haven’t done in a while. Or, try new hobbies and activities. Stay physically healthy by eating right and getting exercise.
Contact Morneau Law
Morneau Law practices Collaborative divorce law, which allows individuals to work together outside of court, avoiding adversarial litigation in the Court system. This practice is client-centered and client-controlled. The attorneys at Morneau Law also practice traditional divorce
law, and can explain the various options and paths forward. The process begins with an individual assessment of each Client’s individual needs. Call us today for a consultation to determine the best option for you.